In celebration of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Vivienne shares her journey with Breast Cancer and how she had emerged stronger.

As a current Breast Cancer survivor in remission, Vivienne shares that if she’s given a chance to rewrite her history, she would not change a single thing.

Share with us a little bit about your journey with Breast Cancer. When & how did you first discover you had Breast Cancer?

In April 2017 at age 32 I felt a lump near my right armpit while showering. I knew I had to be careful because my mom also had breast cancer young, but I thought “I’m too young still to have cancer…it must just be a cyst or dense tissue.”

I forgot about it for a few months… or perhaps I just didn’t want to think about it (by the way - I highly recommend you do NOT do what I did!). But in August that year I decided to book a full health screening that included a breast ultrasound. On the morning of 15 August 2017, the ultrasound tech scanned the area where I’d felt a lump, and she asked “Have you gotten this checked before?”. That was when I knew something was up.

My fears were confirmed when that afternoon the health screening called me and said the doctor wanted to meet me ASAP. Her first words to me that sank my heart were: “You need to see a breast surgeon immediately.”

How has it changed you, the roles you play, and your life in general?

Cancer has made me experience the extremes of light and dark in life, like nothing else has before. It showed me that life is beautiful, and not something to be taken for granted. It also reminded me that I am painfully mortal and my time on Earth is precious and limited. Post-cancer, it’s shaped me to want to live more purposefully and at the same time, much more joyfully.

Christian writer John Piper famously said “Don’t waste your cancer”, a phrase I didn’t understand fully until about a year had passed after my treatment. It is also applicable in a non-religious sense. I didn’t want all the lessons I learned during cancer to go to waste; I decided I wanted to draw on my journey to help others on theirs. This is why I approached BCF after I'd recovered to see how I could play a role in supporting other young women fighting this battle. I am part of the BCF Young Womens’ Support Group.

In spite of everything, I’m much happier than I used to be! I love the person I’ve become. I find her beautiful, stronger and more compassionate. I have deepened my relationships with the people important in my life, and my family has grown to encompass my fellow cancer survivor sisters. If I had a chance to rewrite my history, I would NOT change a SINGLE thing.

What are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced throughout this journey?

Physically, the toughest challenge was undoubtedly chemotherapy and its side effects - unbelievable fatigue in the body and mind, nausea, thirst, tastebud changes (it's horrible when even water tastes like metal in your mouth!), and of course, the much talked about hair loss on the head, eyebrows, and even eyelashes. I swung through a few feelings: disbelief, frustration and existentialism from life coming to a grinding halt, grief over how my body had changed, and fear about the future.

I also had to overcome hurtful but well-intentioned remarks, and prejudices that even affected my work. I remember someone who suggested that I had cancer because I hadn't forgiven people who had wronged me. Someone else said that I hadn't been chosen for a gig opportunity, because "the bosses were worried you would be a liability".

What are some of the motivating factors that powered you through all these challenges?

Even during chemo, there were thankfully many good days I could enjoy. Days where the side effects were barely noticeable (I remember one day where I felt so NORMAL, that I was overcome with emotion and cried in public!), and other days where I felt nothing but calm hope, trusting that God had a plan and purpose for this ordeal. I found moments of joy and things to be excited about. A big one was being able to continue singing and hosting for some weddings and events, even while I was doing chemo. I was bald, pale, tired and gassy, but once I donned my wig, some makeup and an evening dress, I looked and felt like my old self again. I also chose to think about the future - even just the year ahead. I pictured all the things I would do after treatment - big things like travelling or doing new projects, and little things like enjoying sushi or a medium rare steak (I wasn't supposed to eat raw food during chemo!). And most importantly, I didn't walk alone. I shared my journey with loving family and friends who always reached out at the right time to encourage me, pray for me and cheer me up by taking me to coffee!

Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently?

I wish I hadn't procrastinated in getting my lump checked!

What do you look forward to most next?

Definitely look forward to reaching my 5-year remission milestone! I have my map of the future - but I also know how life can be unpredictable and how God may have other plans for our lives. So I also believe very much in living a day at a time and discovering that plan :)